


Blink Back to Let Me Know

by lizvitello



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Lams - Freeform, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Pining, alex is a flaming bisexual, eliza is to thank for setting them up, hella pining, john is a makeup artist, makeup artist au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-09-14 07:35:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9168697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizvitello/pseuds/lizvitello
Summary: It wasn't his skill with a makeup brush that made John an artist. John himself was art, in Alex's eyes.Or where Alex was dreading going with Eliza to find a makeup artist for her wedding until he started falling for the cute guy that she found for the job.





	1. You Walked In and My Heart Went Boom

"I just don't see why you can't do your own makeup on your wedding day," Alexander said to Eliza as they maneuvered around the other busy mall shoppers, "I mean, even right now, on a casual day, your makeup looks good."

"Since when are you Mr. Beauty Guru, Alexander? Can you even name one makeup product other than lipstick or eyeliner?" Eliza asked as they rode up the escalator to the mall's second floor. Alex opened his mouth to reply, then closed it, opened it again, then bit his lip as he thought long and hard.

"Exactly, you can't! And by the way, I'm not wearing any makeup right now, genius. Why would I wear makeup when I’m about to go get my makeup done?" Once again, Alexander was shut up by his own lack of basic knowledge regarding makeup.

"Well, maybe you should consider it a compliment that I thought you naturally looked flawless," Alexander replied smoothly, swiftly changing the subject from one he had little knowledge of.

"Watch it, pal, I'm engaged. You better cut back on the compliments before Maria kicks your ass for hitting on her fiancée." Eliza warned, but her giddy grin didn't help prove her point.

"I don't doubt that she would," Alexander responded. Despite Maria appearing shy when he first met her, he had nearly seen her wrath multiple times. Once when he had told a stupid joke, Eliza had laughed until she started crying, and Maria had had his head on a stick for making her girlfriend cry until Eliza managed to explain the situation through her giggles. Since that day, Alex had watched what he did around Maria.

"Still, is it really necessary to hire a makeup artist just to do your makeup for one day?"

"Alexander, I'm 99.9% sure I'm only getting married once, and I want to look extra nice, just this one time," She countered, "and I don't see why you're whining, I'm not using your money to pay whoever I hire."

"I'm whining because you dragged me along to go makeup shopping at a mall that contains too many overpriced things and too many rich white people." Alexander had made sure to wear a clean shirt and jeans without any holes in them, but people walking by still managed to find a reason to turn their nose up at him.

"Angelica was busy today, so that means that since the maid of honor is busy, you have to step in her place since you're my best man." Eliza explained, and Alex narrowed his eyes at her.

"I have to?" He replied incredulously, "Is there some wedding rule book you're going by? Because if you are, chapter 3 probably says that only grooms have a best man, and therefore I shouldn't have to be here since, y'know, you're a bride."

"Oh my god, Alexander, suck it up," Eliza was losing her patience, "you can sit on an extra stool while I get my makeup done and scope out cute girls or something."

"Fine." He agreed, cutting back on his sarcasm and negativity. He couldn't help not wanting to be there, his skin was beginning to crawl because of the excessive amounts of sideways glances he was getting. Luckily, they were nearing a store with bright lights and multiple shelves full of-what Alex assumed to be-makeup.

"This is it," Eliza announced, and steered Alexander into the store. Luckily, it wasn't very busy since it was a Wednesday afternoon.  
As Eliza looked at a few of the products, Alex glanced around the store, scoping out the "cute girls" that Eliza had said would be there. As his eyes scanned the store, he didn't find any girls that were unattractive, but none of them grabbed his attention. That is, until his eyes found the only other person in the store who wasn't a girl. His heart jumped to his throat as he stared at the young man he had spotted.

He was reasonably tall, his fit body leaning over a clean makeup table. Freckles were scattered across his caramel colored arms, and he had a good amount of muscle straining against his black t-shirt, which caused Alexander's heart to skip a beat. He had an abundance of dark brown curls that struggled against the hair tie they were gathered in. Alex couldn't make out any distinct features of his face, even though he was only a short distance away. Alexander had a habit of sizing someone up, then going up and charming them, but the young man left him at a loss for words.

The man must have felt Alex's eyes ogling him, because he looked right at Alexander when he looked up from the array of brushes sitting on the table in front of him. Alex flushed slightly, something he usually didn't do when people found him checking them out. The man attempted to give him a small, close mouthed smile, but his teeth managed to peek through the grin. Alex felt a slight shiver run through him before he managed to return the smile.

"Oh, that must be the makeup artist Peggy's friend had at her wedding." Eliza said, startling Alex out of his trance, "Peggy said he did a good job, let's go check him out."

 _Trust me, I've been checking him out plenty_ , he thought, but didn't say out loud. Talking to him sounded like a great and terrible idea all at once. Alexander had never met a person that he didn't know how to talk to. But now, he couldn't think of a thing he wanted to say to the man besides "you're gorgeous" and that wouldn't do anything except embarrass him.

As Eliza and Alexander neared the man, Alex was suddenly able to see every single feature of his face. His subtle jaw looked freshly shaved, and the rest of his skin looked almost airbrushed. His eyes appeared honey-colored under the bright studio lights. The only makeup that Alexander could see on his face was the small line of dark purple eyeliner under his eyes. Alex decided that purple was a great color on him. He had his bottom lip pulled between his teeth slightly, and it was making Alex feel weak in his knees. _I don't even know his name, why am I already on the verge of drooling over him?_ Alex asked himself, before glancing down and seeing a name tag pinned to his shirt. _John_ was written in neat letters on it.

"Hi, how can I help you today?" The man, John asked. Alex cast his eyes toward the ground, peeking up at John through his lashes. He didn't know why he was being so shy, but just the sound of John's somewhat deep voice was making his toes curl.

"Hi, I'm Eliza, this is Alexander. I'm getting married in..two months, is it?" Alexander rolled his eyes, as if Eliza didn't have an exact countdown until the wedding, "And I was wondering if you or anyone else was available to hire to do my makeup for the wedding."

"Of course, we'd have to go over some other things, but yes, I'm available to hire," John replied, and turned to shake Eliza's hand. He then moved toward Alexander, and Alex shook his hand, noticing just how big John's hand was compared to his own.

"Are you the fiancée?" John asked Alex, and Eliza snorted.

"Oh _god_ no," Eliza said, and Alex scoffed, offended, "my fiancée's name is Maria, and she actually has a lot to do with how I want my makeup done. She's doing her makeup pretty boldly, so I want mine to be almost the opposite of that. So I was thinking..."

Alex had lost interest in the conversation already, and hopped up into one of the vacant stools. He didn't want to be blatantly rude and pull out his phone, but boredom was already eating at him. He wasn't used to sitting still and not doing or saying anything for more than two minutes. He wasn't going to take his free time as another opportunity to fawn over John, because Eliza had already caught onto his interest in the other man, and he wasn't going to be the receiver of many knowing looks and eyebrow waggles.

"Hey, earth to Alex," Eliza said, and Alex blinked a couple times, looking up from the floor. He hadn't realized that he had been running the toe of his sneaker over a stain on the floor for a good five minutes, and hadn't been paying attention to anything Eliza and John had been talking about.

"Hmm?" He asked, hoping he could jump back into the conversation.

"Here's your chance to redeem yourself from your dumb statement earlier," Alex didn't know what Eliza was talking about, but he wasn't enthusiastic about the idea of looking dumb in front of John, "so here's the question, is John wearing any makeup right now?"

Alex felt pretty confident about the answer to the question. He knew John had to be wearing eyeliner because most people don't have dark purple lines under their eyes, but he still took a close look at his face just to make sure. He didn't blush this time when he made eye contact with John.

"Yes..?" He responded, still not 100% certain that he was right. John grinned at him again and Alex couldn't help but smile back.

"Nice redemption from earlier." Alex prayed that John wouldn't ask why he needed redemption. He only realized now how dumb his earlier statement was.

"What does he need redemption from?" John asked, and Alex groaned.

"Homeboy here actually thought that I was wearing makeup today," Eliza answered, and John choked back a laugh.

"I graduated from Columbia and I almost have my law degree, I swear I'm smart." He looked at John, who was biting his lips to hide either a smirk or a grin, "Don't look at me like I'm stupid, I'm not stupid."

"I didn't say you were stupid," John said and grinned at Alex, who came to the conclusion that John grinned a lot, "you sound really smart, actually, except for, y'know, in the makeup department."

"Aw, that probably made Alex's day. Considering that he thinks you're cute and all," Eliza said to John, and Alex choked on nothing but air. His face turned crimson as he gaped at Eliza.

"What the fuck, Eliza?!" He spluttered as John bit his lip to hide another grin.

"What?" She replied innocently, "It was obvious that you thought that he was cute, but you weren't saying anything, so I did it for you. What can I say except, you're welcome."

"I hate you," He muttered and rubbed his hand over his still blushing face. Luckily, John had shifted his attention from Alex to starting Eliza's makeup.

He watched in confused interest as John worked a yellow-ish liquid onto Eliza's face with a brush. He had no idea what it was, but he could now see that this was what Eliza's face looked like with makeup. Her skin definitely looked more flawless than before, not that he would say this out loud, since he had already embarrassed himself enough (along with Eliza's help).

"Don't hate me, hate Angelica," She said as John turned back to the makeup counter to grab something else.

"Why should I hate Angelica?" Alex asked, "She's my favorite person to talk about politics with."

"She wants to invite Thomas to the wedding."

"WHAT?!" Alex shouted, earning him his twentieth turned-up nose of the day from a lady standing a good distance away.

"You're dealing with it, not me." She slid her phone across the table to him and turned back towards John, who started sweeping a powder filled brush over her face.

Alex went to work, typing out an excessive paragraph, going back and deleting any phrases that sounded too much like something he would say, and changed them to sound like it was Eliza. Angelica didn't know it was him texting on Eliza's phone, and Eliza was more convincing than him when it came to persuading Angelica.  
He sent her the lengthy paragraph, then went back to watching John work on Eliza. He tried to make it look like his eyes were focused on her face, but he kept stealing glances at John. He couldn't help it, he had never met someone who could make his heartbeat speed up just by looking at them. He was admiring how tight John's shirt was on him, when he felt Eliza's phone buzz on his thigh. He was expecting an equally lengthy text as a response, but when he picked up the phone, it showed that Angelica was calling him.

"Shit, Eliza, she's calling." He whispered, as if Angelica could hear him even though he hadn't answered the call.

"So? Answer it." She mumbled as John put different types of powders on her face.

"I made it sound like it was you texting, not me." He admitted, and Eliza huffed.

"Oh well, answer it."

Alex finally pressed the button to answer the call, but didn't say anything. He bit the end of his thumb as he waited for Angelica to say something first.

"Alexander? I know it's you." Angelica said after a few moments of silences.

"Shit." He muttered, "Hi, Ang."

"I knew it was you right away, you text completely differently than Eliza."

"Why in the world do you want to invite Thomas Jeffershit?" He asked, cutting to the chase.

"Name calling? Very mature, Alexander." She shot back.

"Fine, why do you want to invite Thomas Jefferson?"

"I'm not inviting him to piss you off, I'm inviting him because I need someone to debate with so I'm not bored." Alex rolled his eyes.

"I'm gonna be there, debate with me," He replied and Angelica scoffed.

"I've run out of topics to debate with you about. Plus, our views are too similar. You're starting to bore me, Alexander." Angelica snickered, causing Alex to narrow his eyes.

"Insulting me won't help change my mind about inviting Thom-ass. And I don't care if name calling names is immature, the asshat deserves it." He was fully aware of the fact that he was being immature, but was too riled up to care.

"Why does it bother you so much that he'll be there?" Angelica asked, "I'm not saying that you have to talk to him."

"I know how he is, he's going to try and start something with me even if I'm ignoring him, he always does." Alex replied, aware that this was partially a lie, he started shit with Jefferson regularly, "And you know he's like my least favorite person ever, that's why I don't want him there."  
"I know he's got some..unfavorable views, but can't you just ignore him for one night?"

"Angelica, he's a republican, that's the definition of unfavorable views." John snorted at this.

"That only helps my argument about how he'll be easy to debate with." Angelica countered.

"Angelica, you're a smart woman, what makes you think a republican at a wedding between two women is a good idea?"

"Good point." Eliza added, and Alex grinned at her.

"He's not completely against gay people, I'm sure he's willing to keep his mouth shut about it." Angelica replied weakly.

"That's bullshit and you know it. The man's an asshole about everything and can't keep his mouth shut about anything." Alex could feel his temper and his voice rising from just thinking about Jefferson, "That complete dick couldn't even keep his mouth shut about my sexuality."

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the phone. Angelica knew that that particular argument between him and Thomas was still a sore subject.

"Okay..I guess you're right," Angelica sighed, "I just thought it might be fun to have someone to talk to other than you."

"I know, and I didn't mean to get so upset, it's just, you want _Jefferson_ to be there, really?"

"But if he were to come, you wouldn't start anything with him, would you?" Angelica asked, ignoring the second half of what he said. Alex's immediate answer to her question wasn't _no_.

"I'll behave if he behaves." He answered finally.

"Good, now give Eliza her phone back."

"Can't. She's getting her makeup done." He replied.

"Oh, you're filling in for me today. Have fun!" She said before promptly hanging up. Alex had never gotten an actual excuse from Eliza as to why Angelica couldn't make it today, but he doubted that it was a good one.

"Eliza, I'm hungryyy," He whined, sounding like a child once again. From what he could tell, her makeup looked almost done.

"Sorry, kiddo, I left your animal crackers and juice box at home," Eliza teased, and John laughed, smiling over at Alexander. Alex didn't care that he had made himself look dumb again, because hearing John laugh was definitely worth it.

"Ugh, you're a terrible mother," Eliza feigned being hurt by this, "I'm gonna go get something to eat from the food court, text me if you get done before I'm back."

"Don't talk to strangers!" She called after him as he walked toward the store's entrance.

"We've been talking to a stranger for the past 45 minutes and you've been letting it slide just because he's cute, " Alex didn't know if that sudden burst of confidence was a good or bad thing, but he added in a wink for good measure, causing John to blush slightly.

Alex grinned triumphantly as he left the store, seeing Eliza's smirk without even looking at her. He made his way down to the food court, blissfully ignoring the uptight people around him. He felt a dumb sense of accomplishment after making John blush, and it left him on a high. Alex had never felt this way about someone before. He didn't know a thing about John except his name and that he was extremely attractive, but he somehow felt like he knew him in a way he couldn't explain. Alex knew that his usual charm wouldn't work on John, and Alex didn't want to treat him like the good number of people he had hooked up with in the past. He didn't want to sleep with him once and then never see him again, he wanted to be able to feel this giddy about John all the time.

Dozens of thoughts about John whirled around in his head as he ordered a cup of soft pretzel bites and sat at one of the vacant tables in the food court. He had no idea what to do or say now that he had already made one bold move. The small rush of confidence was gone, and a swarm of butterflies were set loose in his stomach. He was at a complete loss of words without even being around John, and was in dire need of help. So he got out his phone and went to the only two people he knew that would give him genuine advice (genuine, not necessarily good advice).

_Ham Sandwich: guys help_

_Mullet-man: I swear to god if u accidentally got porn playing from Eliza's bluetooth again_

_Ham Sandwich: that was one time_

_French Toast: what is your problem, bro_

_Ham Sandwich: there's this really cute guy and idk what to say to him (Laf, pls stop using American slang)_

_French Toast: what's his name, i probably know him (Hercules told me it was cool to say bro)_

_Ham Sandwich: John (Herc was lying)_

_Mullet-man: last name? (I was)_

_Ham Sandwich: idk I just met him like an hour ago_

_French Toast: i know at least 4 Johns, describe him_

_Ham Sandwich: light skinned, has freckles, curly hair, hella cute_

_French Toast: does he do makeup?_

_Ham Sandwich: yep_

_French Toast: yes, he is very cute_

_Mullet-man: we've established this_

_Ham Sandwich: hmm someone sounds jealous, I wonder who_

_French Toast: HERCULES MULLIGAN_

_Mullet-man: bye_

_Mullet-man: good luck with john, hammy_

_Mullet-man: damn, i'm so nice_

_Mullet-man: fr tho bye_

_Ham Sandwich: looks like it's just you and me, baguette_

_French Toast: stop talking to me and start talking to John_

_Ham Sandwich: that's what I came to talk to you about, idk what to say to him_

_Ham Sandwich: I called him cute and he blushed but now I'm in the food court at the mall by myself while he's doing Eliza's makeup (he's doing her makeup for the wedding so it's not like I'll never see him again, I NEED HEEELP)_

_French Toast: John is very nice so if you say something dumb he won't make fun of you, so literally say anything that comes to mind_

_Ham Sandwich: trust me, I've already said plenty of dumb shit to him, the point is for me to start saying SMART shit_

_Ham Sandwich: ...should I ask him out_

_French Toast: No, he will definitely be the one to ask you out_

_Ham Sandwich: why?_

_French Toast: John is the definition of a top_

_French Toast: now go, impress your man_

Alex smiled at the fact that Laf had written your man, slid his phone back in his pocket, and headed back toward the makeup store, a couple of pretzel bites still in the cup. He watched his reflection in the tiles and tried to smooth down a couple of hairs that stuck out from his ponytail. As he entered the makeup store again, Eliza and John both stared at him as he neared them.

"Speak of the devil," She said, and Alex narrowed his eyes at the two of them.

"Did you guys talk shit about me while I was gone?" He asked, and popped another pretzel into his mouth as he hopped back up into his stool

"Not shit talking, but yes, talking about you," Eliza replied with a sly grin, then made grabby hands at his pretzel cup.

"Ah, ah, ah, you don't get any until you tell me what was said about me," He said, and held the cup out of her reach. Eliza pouted then glanced at John, then at Alex, back at John, and waggled her eyebrows. Alex sighed, feeling himself flush slightly as John stared at him, and held the cup out to Eliza. She grinned victoriously and grabbed two of the pretzel bites from the bottom of the cup, carefully putting them in her mouth to avoid messing up her lipstick.

"You want one?" Alex asked John, holding out the cup to him.

"Thanks," John said with a smile, and took one too. Alex watched him eat it and wondered how it was possible for someone to make swallowing a pretzel look hot.

"Well, I guess we're done," Eliza said, drawing his attention away from John, "how do I look, Alexander?"

He paused, "Is there a possible dumb answer to that question?"

John and Eliza both laughed at this.

"No, just tell me if I look good or not."

"You look great, I can definitely tell a difference from how you looked before."

"You have redeemed yourself, my son," Eliza commended, and headed toward the register.

Alex got up to follow, but Eliza shot him a look and gestured toward John, so he stayed put. From where he was standing, John was close to him. Close enough that it made heat rise in Alex's cheeks slightly. There was a couple seconds of tense silence before Alex cleared his throat.

"Listen, uh, what I said earlier about, um, you being cute, I-" Alex didn't know where he was headed with this, but he was stopped short because John had suddenly grabbed his right wrist.

John tugged Alexander closer to him, and Alex gasped slightly in surprise. His brain felt fuzzy at the feeling of John's skin touching his, and he could feel his heartbeat in his temples. John picked up an olive-colored pencil and wrote something on the inside of Alex's wrist. Everything was happening too quickly for Alex to comprehend. He was marveling at how close John was to him, how John's head was brushing his slightly as John concentrated on writing. John's fingers were holding his wrist firmly and it was a feeling he would like to get used to.

"The feeling's mutual," John murmured with a small smile, and, to Alex's disappointment, released his wrist.

John turned back to the makeup table and started to clean up his work area. Alexander managed to breathe and examined his wrist. In neat letters identical to the letters on John's name tag was, _John Laurens [the cute guy who does makeup]_ and beneath that, _(212) 725-6524._ He looked up to see Eliza grinning smugly at him, and went to follow her out of the store.

"Bye, John," She called to him, and John waved to her, then winked at Alex. Alex bit his lip and looked away. He didn't think that he had ever blushed this much in the span of one hour.

As they walked, he couldn't stop staring at his wrist. He brushed his own fingers over where John's had been a minute before. There were slight red marks where John's slender fingers had been gripping his wrist, and the thought of John doing that again in a different scenario sent shivers down his spine.

Eliza waited until they were out of the mall before grabbing his right hand and pulling him close so she could read his wrist. She gasped and put a hand over her heart.

"Oh my god, he wrote his number in eyeliner, that's the cutest thing I've ever seen," She raved, and a goofy grin consumed his face.

"Eliza, thank you so much for bringing me with you today."

~~~

Alex's hands were sweating. He could also feel sweat building on his forehead. Alexander never sweated. Sure, he sweated plenty back in Nevis, where it was constantly 90 degrees or higher. But the moment he stepped foot in New York, he was cold. He was sometimes a comfortable temperature in the summer, but he was never hot enough to sweat, even if it reached 100 degrees outside.

It was March, so it was still a little chilly outside, but it was the warmest day of the year so far. Alex had still woken up in his apartment freezing cold, but a cup of strong coffee and a good morning text from John had warmed him up immediately.

He had been texting John non-stop since the minute he put his number in his phone. That was only five days ago, but he felt like he'd know John for weeks. It was much easier to talk to John over text than it had been when he first met him in person. Alex could take his time to think of a smart response instead of blurting out the first thing that came to his mind, and he focused more on what to say than on how attractive John was, since he couldn't see him.

Alex had promised John not to text him about anything too personal, because John wanted to talk about those things in person. They both kept this promise, and instead texted about the weirdest things. John had ranted to him about how much he hated golf, and how a certain person (John wouldn't say anything more about this certain person over text) made him hate it even more. Alex had confessed that he was addicted to watching any show ABC Family put out. They had argued about which animal was better, turtles or dogs; neither of them owned either of these animals and neither of them won the argument.

Alexander had found a way to justify his attraction to John. He hated the idea of crushing on John just because he was hot. But over the course of five days, Alex had fallen for his personality too. John was funny in the most genuine way, and was the cause of Alex randomly laughing out loud in public and at home. Alex found himself literally swooning over how passionate John was about everything. It took everything in his power to follow what Lafayette had said and let John be the one to ask him out.  
Luckily, John had only left him on his toes for five days, and his morning text to Alex had asked if he wanted to meet with him for coffee. Alex had squealed to himself slightly, then took a minute or two to respond to the text. They had agreed to meet at five at a café two blocks from Alex's apartment.

It was 4:45 and his hands were sweating because of how nervous he was. The fact that he was wearing a sweater wasn't helping the fact that he was starting to sweat, but he knew that he would be freezing outside without it. He had showered after breakfast, and even ironed his nicest pair of jeans. It had taken him a half hour to decide on a grey sweater, which was casual, but not overly big like the rest of his sweaters. He had debated whether or not to put his hair up, but decided to leave it down, since it was freshly washed and was curling up at the ends in the way that he liked. He had brushed his teeth and sprayed on a little bit of the cologne Laf had gotten him for Christmas.  
He took one last look in the mirror before deciding that he'd better leave if he didn't want to be late. He shuffled down the stairs in his apartment building, and shivered when a chilly breeze greeted him at the front door. He crossed his arms and curled his shoulders in to try and keep warm, but his teeth still started to chatter. He really should have left earlier, since he got stuck behind a crowd huddled around a street performer, and it was 5:10 by the time he arrived at the café.

The shop was warm and not very busy. It was filled with antique-looking armchairs, and one maroon colored couch, which was where John was sitting. Alex almost didn't recognize him. His hair wasn't tied back and he looked completely different than he had at the makeup store. When he glanced up from his phone and waved at Alex, all Alex could do was timidly wave back and stop himself from gaping at him. John must have been wearing more makeup than just eyeliner the day Alex met him, because it was apparent even from across the coffee shop that John had freckles splashed across his cheeks and nose that weren't there five days ago.

Alex managed to splutter out his order to the barista, still in somewhat of a whiplash from how attractive John was. After placing his order, Alex walked toward the couch, regaining a little of his normal amount of confidence. John smiled at him as he came closer, and Alex didn't know if it was his smile or the gust of cold air let in by an exiting customer that made him shiver.

John noticed his shiver and quirked an eyebrow at him. "Are you seriously cold on the hottest day of the year?"

Alex rolled his eyes at him, "It's still only like 60 degrees outside. I grew up in the Caribbean, I'm freezing here."

"Wow, you haven't even been here two minutes and you're already piling on the personal info," John grinned at Alex as he sat down next to him on the couch.

They were turned toward each other and Alex tried not to smile at the fact that John's knee was bumping his. The barista came over to hand him his coffee and Alex quickly warmed his hands on the sides of the mug.

"Honestly, I wish I could have told you all the personal crap over text," Alex admitted as he took a sip of his coffee.

"Why?"

"Because it's like the biggest sob story ever, and I guarantee you're going to pity me by the time I'm done telling you."

"Hmm, try me." John challenged.

"Okay, so I grew up on island in the Caribbean called Nevis, I promise you, you haven't heard of it. My dad got my mom pregnant but wasn't around at all, so she had to work a crappy paying job for like 16 hours a day to make ends meet. My mom and I got really sick when I was twelve and she died from it, but I survived. I moved in with my cousin after that, and he killed himself after a few weeks of me living with him, not because of me, it was because of a lot of other things. I managed to get by for a few years after that, but then when I was seventeen, a hurricane destroyed my town. I wrote down everything that came to mind when I thought about the hurricane, and complete strangers read it and donated enough money for me to go to college here in America." It felt like Alexander had said this all in one breath, so he tried to slow down, "And alas, here I am, a graduate of Columbia, and the universe hasn't tried to kill me since I got here."  
Alex hadn't realized it, but he had been staring at his coffee mug the whole time he'd been talking. He looked up at John, and he seemed to be more in shock than anything else.

"Holy shit." John muttered, and Alex let out a breathy laugh. It didn't hurt as much as it used to tell his story, but even mentioning his mother or the hurricane brought back memories he didn't like to think about.

"How the hell did you manage to make it through all of that?" John asked, his voice laced with more concern than pity.

"I don't know, really," Alexander looked down at his coffee again, picking at a loose thread on his sweater with his free hand, "I just..I knew if I survived instead of my mother, and if I didn't die during that hurricane, but so many other people did, then I had to do something with the mess of a life I was left with. Because I was still alive."  
John was quiet after he was done talking, and when Alex looked up at him, it looked like he wanted to either cry or kiss him (Alex would have been completely fine with the latter).

"See, this is why I wanted to tell you this over text, it makes everyone so depressed. But no, you wouldn't let me." John's smile was small and he still had the sad look in his eyes that made Alex feel guilty for bringing down the lighthearted mood from just minutes before.

"I'm sorry I asked about it, you didn't have to tell me if you didn't want to." John said quietly, and Alex stared at him with wide eyes.

"No, no, I wanted to tell you, okay, I just..I don't want to talk about it too much, it's in the past for a reason." This came out harsher than he had intended, and Alex felt color blossoming in his cheeks because everything he said around John just seemed to come out wrong. He set his mug down on the coffee table, and started wringing his hands together. Everything just seemed to be going wrong.

"Alexander, please relax. I'm sorry we're still talking about it, we can talk about something else, anything," John grabbed his hand and held it in his, rubbing circles into the back of his palm. Alex relaxed slightly, and some of his anxiety eased away, but his heart beat sped up again when he really focused on the fact that John was holding his hand.

"I'm sorry I freaked out, let's just..yeah, let's talk about something else." He said, and John casually slipped his hand out of his. Alex had to stop himself from frowning about it.

"Sorry to continue the downer mood, but now it's time to talk about me," John said.

"Finally, I thought this whole date was going to be all about me," Alex replied, and John grinned.

"Dammit, I don't know what to say, your story's much easier to tell, just back to back," John said, chewing on his lip, "I guess you're just gonna have to ask me questions."

"Jeez, why do I have to do all the work?" He asked and wracked his brain for all the questions he'd wanted to ask John, but they all seemed to have slipped his mind,

"Hmm, I'll start off easy, where are you from?"

"South Carolina, I moved to New York about four years ago."

"If you're from the South, how come you're not freezing here?"

John chuckled at him, "I lived along the coast, so it got chilly in the winters, not as badly as it does here, but I'm more accustomed to it than you."

"So why'd you move to New York?" Alex asked, and John averted his eyes.

"I was, uh, kinda kicked out, and I went to a cosmetology school not too far from here," John answered, his voice quiet.

"What happened?" Alex asked, hoping he was coming off as concerned rather than nosy.

"My dad's the definition of typical southern conservative rich male, so when I told him I was gay, he kinda flipped his shit. I technically kicked myself out, but it would have been only a matter of time before he did, so I decided to leave on my own free will."

John was gripping his coffee mug tightly and wouldn't look at Alex. Alex wanted to comfort him in some way like John had done for him minutes ago, but all he could think to say was, "so is he the reason you hate golf?"

John let out a breathy laugh, and his consistent grin returned to his face.

"Yeah, I mean, I would hate it even if I hadn't been forced to play it every Saturday for five years, but he is another contributing factor to my hatred for the sport," John answered.

"Do you still keep in touch with him?"

John shook his head, "Not really, I don't keep in touch with any of my family all that much. I'll get a happy birthday text from some relatives, and my sisters will call me occasionally, but other than that, no."

Alex was quiet, for once feeling like the person on the receiving end of hearing a sad backstory.

"Great, now you're giving me the pity eyes," John said, attempting to lighten up the conversation.

"Sorry, we need a new topic, this conversation is going downhill," Alex stated, and John nodded in agreement.

After that, the conversation felt lighter, John and Alex exchanging stupid and funny stories from college. Alex found that his new favorite thing was making John laugh; marveling at how perfect he looked when he threw his head back laughing, his eyes squeezed shut, his freckles scrunched together, and his full smile exposed.

Before Alex knew it, he had finished two cups of coffee, his third half finished, cold, and left on the coffee table. He hadn't realized they had been talking for over two hours until the barista came over and told them that they would be closing in twenty minutes.

"What time is it then?" John asked, pulling out his phone to check, "holy shit, it's almost eight."

"I better get home before it gets too dark," Alex added, disappointed that the date was over.

"I'll walk you home," John stated, standing up and pulling his jacket on.

"You don't have to, I only live two blocks away," Alex fake protested.

"It's no problem," John replied, holding open the door for Alex as they exited the café.

Alex shivered the moment he stepped outside, and pulled his sweater over his hands. John noticed this and smiled at him, but didn't say anything. The long, easy conversation they had shared for two hours had ended, and there was now silence between them.

Alex didn't know what to talk about, and John just strolled quietly next to him, so they walked the two blocks to Alex's apartment without a word. His cheeks would flush every time John's elbow would bump his, and he felt the same jitters he had had when he first saw John.

All too soon, they were outside Alex’s apartment building. John turned to Alex, opening his mouth to say something, but got cut off by a sudden gust of chilly wind. The wind whipped at both of them, blowing Alex’s hair in every direction.

“God help me,” Alex mumbled, attempting to push his hair out of his face, but failed.

John laughed and combed back Alex’s hair, his hands framing both sides of Alex’s face. Alex’s breath stopped short, suddenly aware of the lack of distance between them. He stared up at John, entranced by John’s pink parted lips and the kind softness of his hazel eyes. Alex wanted to kiss him so badly, but feared that it was too soon. Moments passed, and the urge to kiss John grew stronger.

 _Fuck it_ , Alex thought.

He stood on his tiptoes, grabbed John’s shoulders, and pulled his lips down to his. John gasped in surprise, but didn’t pull away. John’s lips melted against Alex’s, and it felt like kissing every good thing in the world at once. John’s lips were soft and smooth, and moved slowly against Alex’s. John pulled away once to catch his breath, but quickly kissed Alex again, his thumbs brushing Alex’s cheekbones. Alex felt electricity buzzing through him as John’s lips, hands, and every part of him touched his body. John was the one to finally completely break the kiss, disconnecting their lips, and leaning his forehead against Alex’s.

Alex reluctantly opening his eyes, disappointed that the moment was over. He was met with John’s eyes staring hungrily at him.

Alex cleared his throat, “do you want to come upstairs?”

John pulled away at this and started to let go of Alex’s face.

“No, I-I didn’t mean like that, I just-” Alex started, but John quieted him by brushing his thumb against his lips.

“I know.” John whispered softly, “I just don’t want to rush things. I wasn’t even planning on kissing you, but like you said, fuck that.”

Alex gasped, “I said that out loud?!”

John laughed and pulled Alex’s lips back to his. John kissed him deeper this time, parting his lips and slipping his tongue into Alex’s mouth. Alex moaned into his mouth, wrapping his arm around John’s neck as John moved his hands down to Alex’s waist. John pushed him up against the building’s wall, kissing him quicker and more fervently. Alex barely had time to catch his breath when John would pause between kisses, and gasped each time John’s hands squeezed his waist. When John pulled away, they were both breathing heavily and Alex felt a burning in his loins.

“Okay, I better go before things go too far,” John said, his body still pressed up against Alex’s.

“M-kay,” Alex mumbled, still holding onto the back of John’s neck.

Neither of them made a move to separate from each other, their hands lingering on each other’s bodies. John pressed two more quick kisses to Alex’s lips before stepping out of his reach and walking back down the street. Once he was a good distance away, he raised his hand to wave. Alex grinned giddily and waved back. He entered his apartment with his body feeling warm and his heart feeling light.


	2. Always You, Falling for Me

Everything John did mesmerized Alex. Whether it was the way he danced around the kitchen shirtless, his hair sticking up in odd places as he cooked breakfast, or the way he applied makeup, Alex watching in confused awe as he transformed himself, or as of right now, Eliza into a different-looking person. But it wasn’t his skill with a makeup brush that made John an artist. John himself was art, in Alex’s eyes.

Alex sat on a chair in the corner of Eliza’s dressing room, and watched as John blended pale violet eyeshadow on her eyes (John had tried many times to teach Alex what each makeup product was, eyeshadow being one of the few names that had stuck in his mind.) The situation was so similar to the first time Alex had met John two months ago, that it felt like nothing had changed. But many things had changed: Alex blushed less when John grinned at him, they had had sex (very many times), and Eliza was getting married that very day. Alex’s feelings had done nothing but grow stronger in the past two months, and it seemed like he had even bigger and more obvious heart eyes staring at John now than he did the first time he saw him.

“Alex, stop drooling over John and come zip up my dress,” Angelica called from across the room, and Alex hopped up to go help her, but not before noticing John’s signature smile being directed at him.

“Shit, your hands are cold,” Angelica hissed as Alex fumbled with the zipper of her light [salmon](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gJldDNe4Kg) dress.

“Sorry,” He mumbled, “Why isn’t Peggy here to help you with this?”

“She’s late, but don’t tell Eliza because she’s just moments away from one of her rare mental breakdowns.” She replied and turned to adjust her dress in the mirror, “Your boyfriend seems to be keeping her calm, though.”

Alex smiled and glanced over at John and Eliza chatting peacefully, “yeah, he’s good at that.”

“Oh, bleck, go back to swooning over him over in your corner.” Angelica said with her usual sarcasm.

Just then, Peggy decided to finally walk into the dressing room, sunglasses atop her newly bobbed hair and red lipstick smudged on her chin, “I’m here, bitches, and I bear bread, iced tea, and coffee.”

She placed two Panera bags and a drink carrier on the other empty vanity. Alex grabbed one of the cups of coffee and looked in the bags, “Peggy, did you seriously only buy two bags full of croissants and nothing else?”

“I was at Panera, what else was I supposed to buy? Everyone their own individual bowl of soup?” Peggy replied through a mouthful of croissant.

Alex just shook his head in response and brought one of the sweet teas to Eliza, who was glaring at Peggy as John put on her lipstick. She waited for it to dry down, before taking a long sip of her iced tea, which was her version of Alex’s coffee.

“Quit eating and start getting ready,” Eliza ordered, and flicked Peggy in the forehead as she passed her.

“I don’t have much to do, you know me, natural beauty,” Peggy replied with a wink and a finger gun.

Eliza and Angelica looked at each other and rolled their eyes, but couldn’t help but smile. Alex had known the Schuyler sisters for almost four years, but still couldn’t figure out the dynamic they shared. As the sisters fussed over crumbs getting on dresses, Alex took advantage of the moment of peace that existed in his and John’s corner.

“Hey,” Alex mumbled, twirling one of John’s curls around his finger.

John smiled up at Alex, who was for once taller than him because John was still sitting on his stool. He wrapped his arm around Alex’s waist and took Alex’s cup of coffee from him. Alex huffed as John took a sip of his coffee, but couldn’t help but return the smile that John shot him afterward. John set the cup on the vanity and placed his now-free hand on the back of Alex’s thigh and squeezed slightly. Alex was just about to lean down and kiss him when Eliza called John’s name. John’s hands jumped off of him and he focused his attention on her.

“Can you put some concealer on Alex? I want him to look nice for photos.” Eliza asked, and Alex frowned.

“Put concealer where?” He asked, and the sisters, along with John rolled their eyes.

“Under your eyes, obviously.” Peggy answered.

“Oh, of course, under my eyes.” Alex said sarcastically, and John grinned.

Alex took Eliza’s seat as John dug around in his makeup bag, emerging with a tube full of light yellow liquid.

“Why does that go under my eyes?” Alex asked quietly, so the girls wouldn’t hear him and roll their eyes again.

“Close your eyes,” John ordered, “It’ll cover up your dark circles, which yours are about the size of dinner plates.”

Alex kicked him lightly in the leg, which made John laugh as he applied the concealer with a brush under his eyes. Alex scrunched his nose at the weird feeling of the wet liquid under his eyes. He opened his eyes to see John grab what looked like a pink egg, before John told him to shut them again. The thing felt spongy as John dabbed it under his eyes. He opened his eyes once again as John swirled a small brush in powder, but closed them before he had to tell him to.

“Okay, you can open your eyes now.” John said, and Alex blinked a couple of times after he did.

“Let me see how he looks,” Eliza said as Angelica curled her hair.

“I didn’t put too much on him because I didn’t think anyone would recognize him without at least a little bit of bags showing,” John said, and Alex elbowed him in the ribs.

“It looks good.” Eliza commented.

“Okay, John, pack up your makeup bag, and both of you boys get out of here,” Peggy ordered, “this is the GIRLS’ dressing room.”

Alex rolled his eyes at her, which was the most common reaction Peggy got from people, and went to grab his coffee before leaving. John’s arm bumped his as he packed up his brushes and other things, and Alex leaned in toward him. He smiled at John before standing on his tip-toes and pressing his lips to his. John jolted back from the kiss, and briefly pecked Alex’s lips before turning back away from him.

Alex tried to ignore this like he had ignored John’s hands jumping off of him earlier, but it continued to bother him as he went to the other room to change into his tux. He fretted as he combed his hair back into a smooth ponytail. He acted like everything was fine when John came in to change too. He finally pushed it to the back of his mind when John pulled him close and kissed him, long and slow.

~~~

The insecure feeling from earlier that day had returned. Once again, Alex tried to ignore it, even though what had caused it had been even more disheartening. Alex had noticed that John didn’t keep his arm around Alex or even stand close to him when other people were around. Only when they were sitting down at one of the tables in the venue would John put his hand on Alex’s thigh or touch him in any way.

Alex continued to smile around everyone, including John, since he didn’t want to take any attention away from Maria or Eliza. The ceremony had gone great, Eliza and Maria never took their eyes off of each other, it seemed like. It wasn’t surprising that Eliza had cried happy tears, although Maria had seemed worried when she saw her tearing up. Peggy whistled loudly when they kissed, and Angelica whacked her yellow dress with her flowers.

Alex had felt nothing but content then, seeing his best friend so happy completely outweighed any personal problems he had. But now, he felt almost sad about how in love the two were. He watched as they danced together, their foreheads pressed together, whispering to each other between smiles. He glanced at John, who seemed completely distant. Alex had asked him to dance a half hour ago, but John had made the excuse of having to go to the bathroom, and hadn’t brought it up since.

Herc and Laf had occupied the other two chairs at the table, but had left when Hercules asked Lafayette to dance, both of them blushing. Alex had made John promise not to make fun of Lafayette’s dancing, but both of them cracked up as Alex told the story of how some French government official had laughed at Laf’s dancing when he was a teenager. Now, an awkward silence sat in between them.

“I’m gonna go get something to drink, do you want anything?” Alexander asked, no longer able to stand the lack of conversation that they never seemed to have until now.

“No thanks,” John replied and smiled at Alex, who gave a forced one in return.

Alex ordered a gin and tonic, and leaned against the bar as he waited for the bartender to finish making it. The guest list for the wedding was short, and he knew and liked most of the people there, but didn’t feel like talking to any of them. They would all ask about his job or his relationship, both were things that were a little rocky. The column he wrote for was getting fed up with having to edit out too much of his submissions, and he hadn’t realized that there were any problems between him and John until today.

He also didn’t realize that he would have actually gladly talked to anyone except Jefferson, who had unfortunately wormed his way onto the guest list and just then sauntered up to the bar. “Hello, Hamilton.”

“Jefferson.” Alex replied shortly, and stared at the bartender impatiently.

“It seems pretty cold over there between you and your boyfriend.”

Alex felt a spark of anger, “John and I are fine, thank you.”

“Doesn’t seem that way,” Jefferson responded, “seems like he’s not all that happy.”

“John’s fine, he’s probably just tired.” Alex answered, his temper rising.

“Tired of you being confused.”

“Confused about what?” Alex snapped. He knew that he was only egging Jefferson on by responding to his bait, but he didn’t feel like keeping his mouth shut when it came to John.

“Confused about whether you like girls or boys. Your boyfriend’s chosen one, from what I’ve heard, so why can’t you?” Alex’s sparking anger swelled into a flame.

Luckily, it was at that moment that the bartender finally gave Alex his drink. If they were anywhere but Eliza’s wedding, Alex wouldn’t have hesitated to throw his drink in Jefferson’s arrogant face. He walked away before he felt the urge to punch him, but not without hissing, “fuck off.”

“You okay?” John asked when Alex sat back down.

Alex took a long gulp of his drink, “I’m fine.”

Alex waited for John to easily notice that he wasn’t fine and ask how him how he really was, but John didn’t do anything. He didn’t hold Alex’s hand and rub it soothingly, he didn’t touch him in any way. Alex felt angry tears coming on; a lump had formed in his throat and his eyes burned. Before he felt the need to excuse himself and cry in the bathroom, Eliza stepped in and saved him like usual.

She held out her hand to him and smiled, “dance with me?”

Alex took her hand and smiled back, blinking away the few tears that had threatened to fall.

“I’ll be back in a while,” He said to John, who just smiled back nonchalantly.

Eliza led him to the middle of the dance floor, where many other couples, including Herc and Laf were dancing. Alex took Eliza’s waste and hand, and started to move slightly to the slow song. Alex recognized the song as one of the many he had saved in a playlist about John, which he now realized was cheesy and would probably delete tomorrow.

“Are you okay?” Eliza asked. Alex hadn’t realized that he wasn’t looking her in the eye or paying any attention to her at all.

“Uh..yeah, of course.” Alex replied as cheerfully as he could manage, but he knew his hesitation had given it away.

“Are you really going to lie to me on my wedding day?” Eliza asked, and Alex let out a shaky laugh.

“You’ve been using that excuse all day.” Alex said this to try and avoid having to talk about his trouble with John.

“Ha ha.” Eliza deadpanned, “Seriously, what’s wrong?”

“Does John seem...off to you tonight?”

“It did seem a little awkward over there between you two, why? Did you guys have an argument?”

“No, no I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong. But then again I fuck things up all the time without even realizing it.” Eliza frowned at this. “He just won’t touch me at all, except for holding my hand underneath the table, and he doesn’t notice that anything’s wrong. It’s like he doesn’t want to be seen with me.”

“Alex, that’s not true at all. Just talk to him, find out what’s wrong.” Eliza looked worried and it made Alex feel bad.

He was just about to tell her to go back to having fun with her sisters and Maria when he felt someone tap his shoulder. For a moment, he imagined it was John, who would ask him to dance and pull him close and make everything okay like he had before. Alex tried not to show his disappointment when he saw it was Maria.

“Can I have my fiance, sorry, I mean wife back?” Maria asked, and Alex playfully rolled his eyes at Eliza’s blushing grin from being called Maria’s wife, and stepped away from the two.

Maria and Eliza were like magnets, the way that they naturally drew to each other. They appeared to be glowing, both of them wearing simple white dresses and matching loving smiles. Alex looked around at all of the people on the dance floor. Eliza’s parents danced together, smiling over at their newly-wed daughter. Lafayette had his head rested against Hercules’s shoulder. Even Angelica and Burr were dancing together, Angelica for once looking satisfied in the moment. All of it made Alex’s heart hurt. Among the people he considered to be family, he felt isolated and like every couple’s third wheel, despite his facebook relationship status saying differently. He knew John saw him standing by himself, and it broke Alex’s heart knowing that he wasn’t going to do anything about it.

~~~

Since the first day Alex met John, the only time he felt cold was when he wasn’t near John. But now, Alex felt shivers trickle down his spine every couple minutes, despite the fact that John was only a few feet away in the bathroom. Alex stared out the hotel window at the New York City skyline, his knees tucked up against his chest. The chair he was sitting in was comfy and big and he wished he could sink beneath the cushions and never come out. A melancholy lump had balled up in his throat and the lonely emptiness in his chest that he hadn’t felt in two months was back.

Alex and John had left the wedding reception an hour or so after Alex danced with Eliza. The only time John asked him to dance was just before a slow song ended. Hercules and Lafayette had pulled both of them into the circle they had formed where everyone (mostly Peggy, who was past tipsy) was goofily dancing. Alex’s laugh and smile hadn’t been completely forced then.

The four of them had shared a taxi back to the hotel, and John and Alex silently rode the elevator as Herc and Laf headed to the bar. The whole ride up Alex kept his hands in his pockets and looked at the floor. He had quickly headed to the shower and undressed in the bathroom with the door shut. John had given him a worried half smile when Alex was done, and he merely twitched the corners of his lips up in response.

Now, John had just gotten out of the shower and was drying his hair. When he came out of the bathroom, his curls were poofy and resembled a lion’s mane. Alex had seen him like this multiple times and had laughed each time. This time, it actually saddened him. For the last fifteen minutes, the vile voice in the back of his mind had been whispering to him about how John was probably going to break up with him, that Alex didn’t deserve John, and Alex had believed every bit of it.

“You okay, baby?” John asked and sat on the edge of the bed. The pet name made Alex’s heart lurch and he drew in a shaky breath. He glanced up from the floor at John, and his heart ached at the sight of John’s bare golden chest, a leftover water droplet trickling down it.

Alex opened his mouth a couple times to speak, but the words didn’t reach, “I-I don’t want you to feel obligated to be with me.”

“What?” John asked, his eyebrows knit in confusion.

“I don’t want you to be with me just because I have feelings for you. I don’t want you to be in a relationship where you’re not happy. Because I care about you, hell, I’m crazy about you, and I don’t want you to be with me if you feel embarrassed by me or if I’m too much of a mess for you. I just-”

“Alex, what the hell are you talking about?” John cut off his babbling.

“Tonight, you-you just seemed like you didn’t want anyone to see us together,” the lump bobbed higher in his throat and tears welled in his eyes, “You wouldn’t touch me at all, and if you did, you would stop when anyone looked at us. And then Jefferson said that you probably didn’t want to be with me because me being bi means that I’m confused, and he really pissed me off but you didn’t seem to notice. And I-I just don’t want you to be with me if you don’t feel the same way. And I understand if you don’t want to be with me, because I’m the definition of a fucking mess-”

“Alex, stop, god, that’s not what any of tonight was about at all. I just-” John started, but noticed the heavy stream of tears running down Alex’s cheeks, “oh, baby, come here.”

Alex shakily stumbled over into John’s arms, and sobbed against his bare chest. He covered his face with his hands; he hated the way he looked even more when he was crying. John held him tightly and pressed kisses against the side of his neck as Alex let out small hiccuping sobs.

“I-I’m sorry, John, I d-don’t mean to doubt you, I-” Alex sobbed out.

“It’s okay, baby girl, shhh.” If anything, the pet name that John rarely used made Alex cry harder.

John’s hand slipped under his t-shirt and he rubbed his back until he calmed down slightly. Once Alex felt cried out, he rested his forehead on John’s shoulder and sniffled pathetically. John tilted his head up and made Alex’s bloodshot eyes meet his honey-colored ones.

“Alex, nothing I did tonight was because I don’t want to be with you,” John stated softly.

“Then why-” Alex started, but John shushed him by pressing his thumb against his lips.

“I’m getting there,” John said with a small smile, “It’s just, the only other serious relationship I’ve been in was with a guy who wasn’t out yet. So for almost a year, we barely even touched in public. Eventually I ended things because I found out that he had actually told a lot of people that he was gay, he just didn’t want to be seen with me. And that was over a year ago, so I know I should have changed by now, it’s just that you’re the only person I’ve been with-really been with-since him. And I know it hasn’t been a problem until tonight, but I don’t know, with there being so many strangers around, I didn’t know how they would react and-”

“We were at a gay wedding, John,” Alex pointed out, and John laughed.

“I know, smartass,” John kissed his cheek, which was still slightly damp with tears, “It was stupid of me to think that, I just wish you would have said something sooner. Did you really feel this way all night?”

Alex hesitated before nodding, and John sighed and left a kiss behind his earlobe, a spot that drove Alex crazy when John kissed him there. A short, comfortable silence reigned for a few moments as they held each other.

“And about what Jefferson said, well, Jefferson can choke.” John said, and Alex laughed shakily.

John once again made Alex’s eyes meet his, “Seriously, though, Alex, I don’t want you to think that I don’t want to be with you. I feel completely the opposite, actually...because, I-I love you.”

Alex’s eyes widened and the happiness he should have felt when hearing John say those words was erased by his inevitable doubt. He was silent for a few seconds, “Are you sure?”

John’s smile fell, “Of course I’m sure, I’ve never been so sure of something in my life. Why would you ask-”

Alex interrupted him by kissing him quickly. His lips were urgent and he held onto John’s biceps tightly. John pulled him closer, threaded his fingers in his hair, and let their lips melt together. Alex’s brain still went fuzzy every time John’s lips were on his, and he felt his body almost slump against John’s. John wrapped a tight arm around his waist and let his hand slip under the waistband of Alex’s pajama pants. He lightly squeezed his ass before pulling him up so that he straddled his waist. Alex ran his hands down John’s bare chest, and John let out a breathy sigh in response.

Their kissing quickened, and John lay Alex back on the bed and planted his hands on either side of Alex’s face. Alex opened his mouth and John’s tongue briefly brushed his before he moved on to kiss his neck. Alex let out small, impatient whimpers as John left a variety of brief pecks and hickeys along his jawline and neck.

“So I take this as you love me too,” John emphasized each word with another kiss on varying parts of Alex’s throat.

“Mhmm,” Alex sighed in response.

John stopped and leaned his head up to look at Alex, “Say it.”

“I love you, John.” Alex said and tried not to sound impatient, but John’s toothy smile in response was worth it.

John then pulled Alex up so that he could pull his shirt off. John let out a moan at the sight of Alex’s exposed chest and torso and ducked back down to leave additional love bites against the chubby skin of Alex’s stomach. John played with the waistband of Alex’s pajama pants and smiled teasingly up at him. Alex let out an impatient whine, and bucked his hips slightly off the bed.

“Eager,” John commented with a smirk, which caused a rosy blush to bloom in Alex’s cheeks.

“Don’t tease me, John.” Alex whimpered.

John grinned and bit at the plump skin along his waistline. He pulled off his pajama pants and wrapped his arms around Alex’s thighs. John palmed the hard bulge in Alex’s boxers, causing his back to arch.

“What do you want, baby?” John mumbled against Alex’s skin as he left bruises along the stretch marks of his thighs.

“Fuck me, John,” Alex breathed out and tangled his hands in John’s hair as he slid off his boxers, “please.”

John ran his tongue up Alex’s hard cock, which sent jolts of pleasure throughout his loins. John took all of Alex in his mouth slowly, almost teasingly. Alex let out a hissing moan and his eyes rolled back. He tugged at John’s curls every time his head bobbed back up and let out embarrassing pleads until John pulled away from him and went to fetch the condoms and lube in his suitcase.

Alex’s body was buzzing and he impatiently whined, “Jooohn, hurry up.”

John rolled his eyes as he came back to the bed, necessities in hand. He pulled off his own sweatpants before crawling back on top of Alex. John urgently kissed him and pressed his tongue against Alex’s. Chills danced down Alex’s arms as he tasted his own pre-come on John’s tongue, and he wrapped an arm around his lower back to pull him closer. Their lips chose varying speeds and each kiss made the room grow hotter.

Alex snaked his arms down around John’s waist and tugged at his boxers. John broke their kiss to pull them off himself, and Alex bit his lip at the sight of his leaking erection. He wrapped his fingers around the base and gave a few, quick strokes, which caused John to grip the bed sheets.

John pulled his hand away and gestured for Alex to turn over. He did and bent his legs so his ass was up in the air. John coated two fingers in lube before he slowly inserted each finger individually. He pumped them in and out and scissored them a couple times. Alex whined when John removed his fingers but let out a gasping moan when John replaced them with his cock.

John slowly slid into him and let out a deep sigh the further he went in. He gave a few more short thrusts before he became unhappy with the position. He nibbled Alex’s earlobe and mumbled for him to turn over onto his back. Alex did so and felt empty in the few moments that John had pulled out of him.

John slightly readjusted the condom before entering Alex’s hole again. He relaxed down into the same position as before, his hands planted on either side of Alex’s head, and his hands gripped the sheets. Alex wrapped one of his arms around John’s lower back, and used it to guide his thrusts. He used the other to pull John’s lips back to his, and threaded his fingers in his slightly-damp curls. John’s lips were almost smooth and tasted sweet. Alex kissed him passionately and long and hummed moans into his mouth.

John was the quieter of the two during sex; only occasionally mumbling pet names and curse words into his ear. Alex let out loud whimpers and exclamations of his name as John’s thrusts grew quicker and reached deeper. John panted softly and left kisses and bruises in spots he had missed before. Alex scraped his nails along John’s back as he felt the burning in his pelvis grow stronger.

He felt John’s thrusts become sloppier and quicker, “come for me, baby girl, c’mon.”  
Alex moaned loudly as he felt himself reach his climax. He shouted John’s name as drops of come rained down against his abdomen. He felt himself shake slightly from his orgasm as John finished off as well. John gasped Alex’s name as he spilled into the condom and collapsed against Alex’s chest.

They both lay against each other as they struggled to catch their breath. John caught Alex’s lips in a lazy kiss; their mouths barely moving. John eventually pushed himself up off Alex, threw away the condom, and wiped his stomach clean with a washcloth. He pulled on his own boxers and tossed Alex his.

He then fell back into bed, and pulled Alex close to him. Alex pulled the sheets up to their chests and nuzzled his head against John’s chest. He listened to John’s faint heartbeat and his breaths that were still slowing back to normal. He scattered a few kisses across his taut chest, and felt John’s fingers lace through his hair.

“I love you,” Alex whispered each word in between a kiss to different locations of John’s chest.

John pulled Alex up by the waist so that their faces were merely an inch apart. He placed his hand on the back of Alex’s neck and pulled his lips to his in a long and passionate kiss. He broke the barely moving kiss when they both ran out of breath. John whispered breathily, “I love you.”

“No one’s ever done that,” Alex said, “loved me, I mean.”

John’s eyes filled with sadness then, and he hugged Alex tightly. “I don’t want to ever leave here.”

“I don’t think I could afford this hotel room for more than three nights,” Alex responded.

John chuckled, “I wasn’t talking about the hotel. I meant here, like us.”

Alex looked at John quizzically, and John explained, “I-just promise you won’t leave me. Like, I know you’re gonna be some world-renowned politician someday and you’re gonna have to fly all over the country. And one of my relatives is gonna die and I’ll have to leave you to fly down to the hell hole that is South Carolina for the funeral. So obviously we’re going to have to physically leave each other, but-”

Alex quieted him by pressing a reassuring kiss to his lips. Alex knew most of all that any force of nature could take him away in a matter of seconds. He could fall sick, or get in a car crash, or die in a fire, but he also knew that he would do everything in his power to avoid all this, just for John. Despite the fact that he knew not one instant of his life was promised, he murmured in John’s ear, “I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those of you that stuck around (for a long time) for the second half! I am very, very sorry that this took three months to get up, I've just been very busy with school and show choir and drama!
> 
> Thank you to the wonderful @south_like_sherman for making the amazing fanart for the last chapter! (https://cherryflavoredtampon.tumblr.com/post/159269782217/thank-you-to-the-girl-who-cried-ship-for-this)
> 
> Kudos and comments are the best, love you!! ❤︎❤︎❤︎


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